How to get over a betrayal

Traitor Judas Escariot. Image by Wikipedia

Have you ever experienced being betrayed by someone you trust? I hurts right? For some, being betrayed makes them very angry and revenge is their way to get rid of their anger. For some, they just walk away to forget the pain. Each one of us may have took different approaches on how we got over said experiences in some point of our lives. To those of you who got over it successfully without physically hurting others or yourself, congratulations! But for those who are still struggling to forget that person who betrayed them and are still carrying the hatred towards that person in the deep corners of their hearts, I feel for you. I myself still carry some anger towards that person who betrayed me. The wound left by their betrayal was so significant that no amount of forgiveness can erase the pain in my heart and in my mind. Honestly, I do believe in the path of forgiveness, but my inner self is pointing me to the opposite direction which is vengeance… But of course, these things should only cross our minds but getting even or planning a vendetta to the person you hate is highly discouraged. Instead, let me share with you some of my insights on how to get over a betrayal.

1. Keep calm. When someone I trusted betrayed me, my first reaction was to get angry at that person. All sorts of violent things played inside my mind. My immediate objective was to fight back and to get even. In the early stage of betrayal, you will be in a state of anger.  Never make decisions when you are angry, try to cool down. Walk away and find a place or do something that will make you feel relaxed. Go to the mall, watch a movie, go to the gym, or get involved in any activity that will divert your anger away from your situation. 

2. Sleep your anger away. Based on my personal experience, I seek comfort in my bed. After my deep sleep, my mind is a bit clearer. The anger and pain is still there but it is not as intense as it was a day before. 

3. Share your story to your trusted family members or to a person that you consider family.  Sharing and expressing your bad experiences is another way of releasing your anger. I had this experience with my trusted co-employee who took all the credit on a project that I worked hard for and what hurt the most was our top management thought I did not contribute anything to the said project.  At first I did not bother sharing this devastating experience to my friends or to my loved ones, I simply kept the anger and frustrations inside me. As a result, I felt demoralized and I am not motivated to work anymore. Sadly, it also affected my job performance and relationship with my other co-workers. I felt depressed and it eventually spilled over to my personal life. But when I started sharing my experience to my friends, family, and trusted co-employees, I felt relieved because I realized that I am not alone in this situation and most of my friends have experienced the same situation. I don't feel helpless anymore. As such, it gave me the strength to get my acts again and move on.

4. Eye for an eye. Getting revenge is highly discouraged but betraying someone who trusted you is also a no-no. Teaching that person a lesson may be the last resort to get closure. If all Judas, like the one who betrayed Jesus, will hang themselves out of guilt unfortunately there are plenty of Judases out there who still roam freely and ready to attack again. These people must be given a lesson by spreading the nasty things these people had done to you. This way you are warning the people around you so they will not be victimized later on. Don't feel guilty about it, they deserve it, besides you are not spreading gossips… you are actually spreading your real experiences with that traitor.   

There is a saying that ... the saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.