To care or not to care

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Sometimes we also get tired of helping and caring for others especially if we do not get something out of it. I am not saying that we should expect some reward every time we help other people.  Speaking for myself, the art of giving means focusing on the needs of others before considering our own needs. But I don't believe in giving everything and not leaving something for ourselves. In fact, even before we consider giving part of ourselves to others, we must first fulfill our own needs. I find it difficult for someone to feed the hungry if that person is also starving to death. Feed yourself first. How can you help others if you can not even help yourself.

My mother used to tell me that giving is a form of sacrifice. According to her, when you give something to others, make sure that what you are giving them (be it a tangible or an intangible matter) is not your extras or something that you can do without. Instead, give something that is valuable to you, something that will leave a dent in your heart (or your pocket, he he he)... an ultimate sacrifice like what my mom use to say. I partly agree with my mom, I just don't like the "sacrifice" thing. For me, giving or sharing need not always be painful on the part of the giver. The receiver (or person receiving help) on the other hand should not take advantage of the transaction. The essence of giving is that both the giver and the receiver should benefit from it. The giver should feel fulfilled because sharing is a charitable act, while the user should feel privileged for the unexpected blessings given to them.

But reality doesn't always speak that way. I remember giving alms to a beggar one evening. I gave her a handful of my five peso coin stored in my car's cigarette tray (I don't smoke just so you know) and instead of saying thank you, she asked for more money and excitedly asked me if I have food in my car. I politely declined her other requests and as I drove my car away from her,  I cannot help myself from feeling disappointed. I felt used and betrayed deep inside. That experience also reminded me of an incident somewhere in Manila wherein informal settlers were asked to leave their shanties and in return, they will be transferred to a government funded resettlement houses for free. Instead of feeling honored for such great blessing, these intelligent creatures sold those houses or listed said properties for lease. Probably most of them are back on the streets or probably squatting on another person property and just waiting for another free resettlement houses from our government.

I have encountered so many abuses from those "beggars" and "informal settlers" in my 40 years in this world. Some are unforgettable and some are unforgivable until now. Like in my example earlier, there are "beggars" in my life whom I gave them my most treasured reputation just to help cover up their personal blunder and instead of thanking me, I ended up being the bad guy and they got out of the situation very clean. Some of those "beggars" are still asking me for more as if they are still not satisfied with what I have sacrificed for them. I have also encountered so many "informal settlers" whom after sheltering them with kindness and care during their difficult times, they will no longer remember you after the storm. They will only remember to thank you if they need another support from you.

These past few days, I realized that I have no obligation to help ALL the people in need. Sometimes we should let these too needy people to stand up for themselves and let them solve their own problems especially if they are the ones who created it. Let them take responsibility for their own mistakes. We should learn to pause for a while and start learning to stop caring for others. Take time to take care of ourselves and start living our OWN life to the fullest.It is not being selfish, because you also deserve a break.