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Deep sadness

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Its been more than three months since my father passed away, honestly I still carry the pain of his death inside me. His death left a deep hole inside my heart and no matter how hard I try to move on with my life the deeper that hole gets. There was no day since he died that I never cried. For his memories always bring tears in my eyes. I believe this pain will stay with me forever for his memories are permanently embedded in my heart and mind. I am fine with it, because his memories are worth the pain.

My dad was not a perfect father, but for me he was the best. He was my shield, my sword, and my strength. When I was young and until the day he died, just a mere sight of him made me feel secured. I considered him as my fortress who protected me from all the agonies of this life. Now that he is gone, I feel I have no more armor to face this world. It is like I am all alone in this battleground, fighting a war all by myself. Good thing he taught me how to be a strong warrior and molded me to be an independent and resilient survivor. Most of  all, he indoctrinate the power of seeking Divine guidance and to obtain inner strength in the event of despair. For my dad helped me realized that we cannot rely too much on other people to survive. Instead, we must use our own feet to reach our own destiny and to use our own hands to mold our future. The greatness of our future is dictated by our own actions and our failure is a product of our own decision.  

My dad was a big influence in my life and I know he will still continue to inspire my life until I leave this world. The legacy that I will hand down to the next generation will be shaped by his love and his guidance. I am sad that my dad has already ended his journey. But I am glad he is already happy in heaven.

I miss you dad... so much.

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